For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh . Mark 10: 7-8
Maybe you think it’s hypocritical of me to say that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) since I am divorced myself. But I am not divorced by choice. The law says that my husband could divorce me after not having lived together for one year even though not living together for that year was by his choice, not mine. God’s law says what God has joined, let no man separate. (Mark 10:9)
When I married, I truly meant “til death do us part.” So many young people don’t even enter the marriage relationship with that expectation. They just think, ‘if it doesn’t work out, I can always get a divorce.’ No wonder half the marriages in America fail. But marriage is a covenant relationship between a man and a woman and God. It is a holy estate (which is why gay marriage is an impossibility. God does not recognize any such union. But that’s another subject for another day.).
I guess my real problem is that I thought for so long I had a great marriage. So many people, by the time they are divorced, can’t wait to be out of the marriage. They’re actually happy it’s over. This is especially true if there was alcohol, drugs, or physical or emotional abuse involved. I didn’t have any of that. I had a great husband. I loved him as much or more forty years after the fact as I did the day I married him.
Two become one flesh. When I saw my children born, I saw the literal fulfillment of this covenant relationship. Although we always teased that Wade must have sat on a Xerox copier and pushed reduced size, they were brand new human beings with a combination of Wade’s and my DNA. How can you divide “one flesh” without tearing it apart? I read or heard once that in a divorce, it takes three years to recover for every year that you were married. I was married for forty years. At that rate I should be fully recovered by the time I’m one hundred and seventy nine. Too bad I’m not Methuselah.
But seriously, my daughter Kristina says I’m more cynical since the divorce, and I guess that’s true to some extent. Someone on Facebook said recently that one thing they hated was pessimists who call themselves realists. Well, I’m a realist, and realists deal with what is, not what they wish might have been. I am divorced. I admit I would have a hard time ever trusting another man that much even if my life depended on it so I am perfectly content to remain alone the rest of my life. Yet I know there are good men still out there. I don’t deny that. I simply don’t want one. God would have to write it in the sky for me to ever consider marriage again, and considering the mandate against it, I just don’t see that happening.
Taboo Tuesday Question of the Day: What advice would you give to someone going through the pain of divorce?